


Candy Sweet

by Colamiilk



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Bad Thoughts, Crushing injuries, Even if you're good with gore watch out for this one, Facial Trauma, Imagined self harm, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Mental Illness, Sarcastic title, Tearing injuries, Teeth, Tiniest bit of fluff that isn't the point, imagined gore, sorta - Freeform, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27421429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colamiilk/pseuds/Colamiilk
Summary: These thoughts were becoming mind altering, making a silent panic thud under his skin… if he wasn’t so used to it it’d surely drive him insane. If he wasn't already of course.
Relationships: Giriko/Justin Law
Kudos: 6





	Candy Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not tagging this as bipolar because I don't know/think its a symptom of bipolar disorder, just mental illness in general? (not everyone has every symptom thats not how this works so don't get on my ass about how thats not true bc you/a friend isn't like this) but idk I'm not a psychiatrist, just some mentally ill fuck who writes from experience, don't look at me for the actual DSM-5 requirements

When metal caught in spinning gears, hooked pieces grabbing on and eating everything, spitting out shattered and crushed remains… it was considered a useful tool and not something that was just waiting to cause disaster. It’d be so easy to just reach a hand in, to have the hooks dig in and rip at a hand until bone was exposed, until it caught in the machinery and began to pull the rest of the arm through.

It would be a slow shredding, removal of the meat off the bone, a creation of ground beef before the person was even dead… and once the arm was caught, survival, or even just a minor break from the pain would only work if one could manage to cut off their arm in time. Precious seconds ticking away, machines have no hesitation… and was it even possible to just tear an arm off with nothing at your disposal and almost no time? 

Probably not. The machine would keep going, maybe pulling away desperately looking to escape would result in a popped shoulder, the skin’s true form as a bag of meat even more apparent as you try to get it to tear to escape. There’d be a mercy as it came to the shoulder and the head though, a snapped neck as it cruelly grabbed onto hair. Gruesome but saving them from feeling their entire body be flayed and peeled and turned into a pile of shredded flesh and some crushed bones.

Sitting up Justin groaned, rubbing his eyes and checking the time. 9 AM… he hadn’t slept at all, just been lost in gruesome thoughts he couldn’t control and didn’t want. Glaring at Giriko’s loud snoring, a blatant type of mocking with what he couldn’t have. Justin slowly got up with shaky legs and caved in eyes… he was so tired, he was so tired but his body wouldn’t let him sleep. 

At this point the gruesome thoughts were just part of his thinking, uncontrollable and impossible to get rid of. They didn’t go away, they haunted everyday, every moment that he wasn’t preoccupied. Going to their shitty kitchen Justin sighed as he got there and leaned against the counter… he was hungry but his stomach hurt so unbearably bad from the desperate contractions begging to digest something that he didn’t even want to eat… it hurt so much. 

He couldn’t eat but drinking… he could manage that much, right? As he moved to his fridge and opened the door the orange juice seemed to turn into a bottle of clotting blood, Justin slammed the door back closed before he could process if anything else in the fridge had changed. He didn’t want to know. 

These thoughts were becoming mind altering, making a silent panic thud under his skin… if he wasn’t so used to it it’d surely drive him insane. If he wasn’t already of course. With a sharp knife pointed against his neck by himself, a horrible smile as it skewered through his throat, making bloody bubbles as air escaped from his trachea via the wound he’d certainly be worse than now though. Or maybe not, it’d be death suiting someone like him, a mocking version of an execution, not even the pity of a quick sideways cut, or a fast decapitation. But he’d still smile, an insane smile that would scare everyone away, that he couldn’t stop but would hate himself for.

Maybe it’d be easier to just take pliers and rip out his teeth one by one, making a collection of his own beautifully grown white pearls while also stopping that smile from ever appearing again. A spoon following, pushing into his eye socket to break through the oh so delicate conjunctiva and give him access to the back of the eye, sparkling colors shining in his vision as he popped each one out to get rid of the horrific eyes everyone was so terrified of. That even Giriko was frightened by. 

If nothing else it would surely get rid of this pulsing desire under his skin to just tear himself apart, indulging the feeling certainly felt like the only way to get rid of them at this point. Giving another sigh Justin braced himself on his cold counter and let one of his overly long legs bend at the knee, a slight break, a bit of rest. He was really too fucking tall, he wasn’t a fan of how big he was getting, he wasn’t a fan of aging. It wasn’t acceptable to be an adult with these kinds of thoughts, this was supposed to be fixed.

He thought it was fixed.

A piteous laugh fell out of his mouth and onto the floor, annoying dirt to be cleaned up later. There was always a temptation when things got this bad to steal some of Giriko’s impressive and worrying amount of alcohol, to see if it really drowned out the thoughts like people said. Hopefully he’d never dare though, Giriko had such bad self control and everyone blamed it on his drinking… if Justin lost self control there’d be little left of him as he quite literally began to rip himself limb from limb, seeing if his own blade would be capable of lobbing his feet off. 

Getting down to his knees Justin sat down on the floor, ignoring how weird that was and actually deciding to go down further by laying down. He still couldn’t sleep, but with the weight of living so heavy on his shoulders he just wanted a moment of not constantly fighting against it. He didn’t get that though. He hadn’t put his headphones in yet this morning and when their bedroom door squeaked open he knew Giriko was up now, probably looking for him. It only took a second for the man to find him.

“What on earth are you doing on the floor?” Justin made some kind of noncommittal noise that said he wasn’t in the mood to answer. Giriko waited a bit, surprisingly patient all things considered… before sighing and sitting down on the floor besides him. Neither of them said anything, but Justin slowly moved to rest his head on Giriko’s lap relaxing the slightest bit when he felt a cool hand on his forehead. It wasn’t like Giriko was pressing down or anything, but just the pressure from the weight of his hand was weirdly comforting. 

For some reason it was harder to have the gross sticky thoughts when Giriko was awake next to him, it was almost like his soul wavelength was somehow stabilizing Justin’s own. It was a relief, but also made a part of him want to hide away and brew in those thoughts alone again. He was still in pain, even if he wasn’t consciously thinking of all the horrible things that swirled in his mind he was still suffering… he wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted. 

For the pain to go away… but also to drown in it. The impulses  _ wanted  _ him to do those horrific things after all, so they  _ screamed  _ in distaste from being removed or rather put on pause. They’d be back, Justin knew they would be. The monstrous part of himself smiled in confirmation, happy to see Justin had accepted it as part of his life. As if he had any other choice. 

Sighing again Justin smiled piteously at how Giriko flinched at the sudden noise, delayed because he was still waking up and because 9 AM was early for his lazy ass. Why had Giriko even woken up? He didn’t have anything to do today and he had been fast asleep when Justin left their room. Justin hadn’t even been making any loud noise… Shrugging it off Justin let himself fall limp, hoping maybe  _ maybe _ with Giriko’s warm protective presence that would make sure he couldn’t do anything would let him sleep.

For a second, that seemed to be the case… until Justin felt monstrous bugs start to climb around him, legs moving in a foreign unfamiliar movement on his skin that felt for a second that it  _ could  _ just be a couple strands of hair… but his hair wasn’t that long. Jumping out of his skin he flew up, looking for things that weren’t there, almost getting up entirely in his fear before Giriko held him down, saying something, probably asking what was wrong, what he was seeing. 

It was amazing how cooperative Giriko was with his bullshit at this point… 

Still, he’d probably be insulted by Justin freaking so much about fake bugs so he didn’t answer and instead moved to crawl into Giriko’s lap entirely, curling up into his chest, hiding away from everything with wet eyes. Giriko was talking, but after awhile it quieted, realizing Justin wasn’t able to listen right now… they fell into silence again, but this time Justin’s consciousness finally allowed him to drift off to a dozing, unrestful type of sleep that was at least something. 

Maybe, if he was lucky it would turn into actual sleep at some point.

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot I could say about this fic but I'll just let it lie, if its just entertainment to you fine whatever, if you can relate to it cool, and if you're scared of me after reading then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
